I have been absolutely loving working with a group of women in a coaching program called The Clean Sweep. (Which will be fully launched in January under the name The Queen Sweep!) This week we were taking a look at our closets. Below is a brief excerpt from this week's reading, where I challenge them to throw away one 'low self-worth outfit.'
But I was feeling a little bit like a hypocrite. Because there is this suit hanging in my closet. It is navy. It is pinstriped. It is a very nice suit. And I feel lousy every time I put it on. Don't get me wrong-- I like suits. When I MC big swanky events, I rock my black shantung double-breasted number with the power shoulders and the cinched waist like nobody's business. But this navy suit is different. This suit isn't about shining; this suit is about disappearing. This suit represents my best efforts to fit in, blend in, and not draw too much attention.
So, as a love gesture to these women who have astounded me with their bravery, authenticity, and all-round bad-assed-ness over the past few weeks, I am getting rid of the suit. Because I want to only show up as my most fabulous self from now on.
The Purge (excerpted from week four of The Queen Sweep)
Throw away what Julia Cameron calls your "low self-worth outfit." She goes on to say, "You know the one." But just in case you aren't sure what I'm talking about, let me be clear. I am talking about the outfit that you hang on to because it makes all sorts of sense, it's what someone like you really ought to be wearing, and you really need to have something like that even though you always feel kind of awkward in it, and what is wrong with you that you don't like wearing it when it's so good and you paid so much money for it or Aunt Susie gave it to you for your birthday but you just never quite feel at ease in it--THAT ONE. GET RID OF IT.
I predict that getting rid of it will either fill you with terror or elation. You're doing more than sorting fabric here, you're defining yourself. Other people's smallest, most confining versions of you? Gone! Your dowdiest, itchiest self-illusions? Gone! This is powerful medicine.
Purging can be heady stuff. If you need to, you can create a temporary holding box for things you don't really wear or like but can't quite bring yourself to throw away. Tuck it away somewhere. In six months or a year, chances are that you'll be ready to throw it away without even opening it. But one note of caution. If you have just had a baby, or lost a job or some money, or your body has changed suddenly because of an illness, or for any reason you are feeling angry and ashamed, STEP AWAY from the closet. In that kind of mood, you are quite likely to throw away the very items that bring you joy and keep only what reinforces this new miserable version of yourself. Go back to Best Self exercise above and touch base with your potential, with what delights you and gives you joy. Then go back and take a look. The point is not to be uber-practical and only keep what you're wearing every day; the point is to weed out the junk, start inviting your authentic self to clothe you, and hold a little space open for all the adventures you're going to have.
Some people say that you should throw away anything you haven't worn in a year, but I don't think that's a good guideline. What if you haven't had any fun in a year?!? I think you should try everything on and keep only what feels FABULOUS. I read once that every woman should have hanging in her closet the outfit she would want to wear on her dream job interview, her dream date, and her dream vacation. This guideline has stood me in pretty good stead. I have accepted invitations and speaking opportunities that scared me a little bit because I already had the outfit ready to go. If I hadn't had it ready, I might have been able to tell myself, "Oh, I'm not ready for this, it's too much of a stretch, I'm not qualified for that, I won't fit in." When you have outfits to wear to the events that you most want to happen, you send a pretty powerful message to your unconscious.
Want to be in the next Queen Sweep group? Send me an email and I'll put you on the advance notification list!
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